Old 10-05-2013, 02:33 PM   #1
Erap Jokes
xbongtix xbongtix is offline 10-05-2013, 02:33 PM

Erap: Miss sosoli ko na tong video na ni hire ko
Miss: Bakit po sir?
Erap: Walang picture, walang sound, saying suspens thriller pamandin.
Miss: Wala hong problema papalitan po natin, anu hu ba ang pamagat?
Erap: Head cleaner….

*****
Yeltsin: We are the first person in space.
Clinton: We are the first on the moon.
Erap: We will be the first to land on the sun.
USA: You can’t land on the sun, its too hot.
Erap: You know, were not stupid, we gonna go there at night.

******
Wish Ka
Genie: Wish ka!
Erap: Lagyan mo ng flyoevers ang buong Pilipinas! Etong Mapa!
Genie: Hirap naman! Iba na lang!
Erap: Gawin mo akong matalino!
Genie: Asan na nga yung mapa?

*****
Erap talking to a sales girl.
Erap: Need gloves as gift sa asawa ko but don’t know her size.
Sales girl: Touch my hand so you will know her size.
Erap: She also needs panty and bra.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scenario: Nasusunog ang Malacañang.
Lacson: Erap, nasusunog na ang Malacañang kailangan na nating umalis ditto, tara dun tayo sa fire exit.
Erap: Tanga ka ba dun nga lumalabas ang apoy eh!

*****

Noong grade I si Erap sa Jain High School San Juan, nagkaroon sila ng spelling contest classmate nya noon si Lacson.
Teacher: Ping, spell cat.
Ping: Ma’am.. c..a..t
Teacher: Very good!!!
Teacher: Erap, spell boy.
Erap: Ma’am… b..o.. (tapos umupo na sya)
Teacher: Wrong!!!!
Erap: Why (y) ma’mam?
Teacher: Correct!!!

*****
May pulong sina Pres. Ramos At VP Erap at ginaganap ito sa Shangri-la Hotel. Habang kumakain sila…
Ramos: Ang sarap ng order natin, no erap.
Erap: Yes sir, busug na mga ako e.
Ramos: Erap, rice please.
Erap: (tumayo at nag-hintay ng matagal)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Erap: Loi soli ko na itong isang litrong bote ng coke.
Loi: Ok (then after 2 minutes bumalik si erap sa bahay)
Loi: O ang bilis mo naming bumalik.
Erap: May nakalimutan ako eh.
Loi: Ano?
Erap: Sumbrero
Loi: ???
Erap: Eh nakasulat ditto sa bote return with cap
*****
Asawa: Hon ipagtimpla mo naman ako ng orange juice.
Erap: Ok hon teka lang ha.
Asawa: Hon ba’t nakatulala ka dyan sa lata ng orange juice na yan?
Asawa: Hoy! Hon ano bang nangyayari sayo?
Erap: Eh kasi sabi ditto sa lata ng orange juice… Concentrate!
*****
Nasa white house si erap patungong oval ofiice kasabay si Bill naglalakad.
Bill: Erap sabi nila bobo ka raw.
Erap: Etung si Bill on, parang hindi politician syempre sinisiraan lang ako.
Bill: Ah ganoon ba? Eh ‘yung suot mong prang bracelet sa kamay para ano iyan?
Erap: Ah eto ba? Para malaman ko kung alin ang kaliwa at kanan.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hukom: Bitay ang parusa kay Erap at sa dalawa pa niyang kasama. But before that, they have a choice. Pwede silangmamili, pwedeng electric chair or injection with aids virus.
Kasama ni Erap: Pinili ng dalawa electric chair.
Erap: Pinili yung injection.
Kasama ni Erap: Nagtaka ngayon yung dalawa tapos sabay tanong kay Erap. Kakosa: bakit pinili mo ang injection with aids?
Erap: Hoy! Wag kayong maingay. Atin-atin lang ito! Nakacondom ako. Hehehehe

*****
At the nowhere army. Erap, Cory and Ramos papatayin nauna, Ramos.
Army: Ready aim…
Ramos: Lumilindol lumilindol!!! Nagtakbuhan ang lahat at nakatakas si Ramos.
Cory’s turn
Army: Ready aim….
Cory: May kalaban may kalaban!!! Nagsitago ang lahat.
Erap: Ah! Gann pala ha!
Army: Ready aim…
Erap: Fire!!!
Dedo si Erap.

*****
Erap: Ano’ng ginawa mo diyan?
Secretary: Hinahanap ko kung ano ang pinagkaiba ng opinion sa conclusion.
Erap: Ah ganito iyon kung baga sa pintuan kung openyun makakapasok ka pero kung kungklosyon hindi ka makakapasok diba?
Secretary: Ngeee!

 
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 Re: Erap Jokes
Old 08-27-2017, 01:32 AM   #2

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Default Re: Erap Jokes

mas malupit mag joke si piduts kesa kay erap hahahaha
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 Re: Erap Jokes
Old 10-09-2017, 01:06 PM   #3
 
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Default Re: Erap Jokes

Originally Posted by polyester Register to view links
mas malupit mag joke si piduts kesa kay erap hahahaha

haha, si PDUTs ang pinakamalaking JOKE. pero natawa ako sa last, yung opinion at conclusion.
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